Course of Life

Most things in life are cyclical with periods of drought and profusion. That is the nature of the world… the yin and yang. Wells run dry and then fill again. Except a very few wells with a healthy stream underneath that can give quality water although sparingly others run dry until it rains. Until such time you can look at the well and attempt, but will only draw muck in desperation. No one will benefit from such exertion —–not the well nor the drawer nor others who had benefitted from it in the past.

You can dig the well deeper to find other possible streams but it might not be the best solution in the long run. Best decision is to wait till the prolific season is upon us again.

Thoughts too run dry every now and then, rather the capability to be creative with a thought and I am going through such a period. Unless I write of something deeply personal (which I’d rather not),everyday boring events or write rubbish (again, I’d rather not), I can’t conjure up thoughts to save my life at the moment.

It is the yin period and I shall quote the Chinese theory on that “wise people detect the forces and regulate their lives accordingly”. So I shall be wise and abstain from posting muck.

Just thought I’ll let you know in case anyone wonders why I am quiet, as I found out someone already is thinking I am slack

However, I am not sure if I am saying goodbye, now that I am so used to shouting about my children’s antics to the world. I might come again at a later date, if I have something juicy to relay. Then again I might not. I might crawl back to my shell.

Take care all, especially my virtual friend jester, his witty big bro, kind and compassionate LD, pissu- the one who calls me ma’am, the lost soul, who I hope will not be lost for long, beautiful mother Indyana, Dili, ever elusive Jack Point who nonetheless leave a permanent impression with his witty prose, the one and only Darwin and last but not least Nishadha the tech wizard who gave me whole lot of compliments and everyone else who enjoyed reading what I had to write.

I am feeling a bit emotional to my surprise.

See ya and take care everyone

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Alright folks, the top part was just philosophical writing, the truth lies below

When your blog posts were vastly about your life as a mother, of the jubilations and tribulations and then the children slowly grow up to be responsible adults learning the intricacies of acceptable behaviour, what happens to the blog?

In short no playing up, no writing material!

My daughter who solely provided writing material for my blog is now an almost there adult acting more responsible, capable of civil conversation etc

So what do I do now?

I think this time I have really come to my tether. I know there are some who enjoy reading what I write but that does not mean I should write rubbish just to be alive.

Power of Silence

I cleaned the dreaded room. I’ve asked her to do it from times too far to stretch my memory. The doors of her built-in were bursting, waiting to fall down. I pulled out all the stuff that were sitting on the floor of the robe and asked, very politely mind you, if she would mind sorting through the mound and discard anything that she does not have any use for anymore. She said “ok”

Next,   the whole pile was back inside the cupboard. That was one weekend not so long ago.

I thought enough was enough when a friend’s four year old daughter expressed shock at the state of the room.  With the child’s expression came the reinforcing factor I needed to do something about the room but had gotten accustomed to. What the culprit had to say when told the reaction of a four year old, was “how dare that little brat come into my room”

Yesterday I thought ‘I’ve had it’. I pulled the whole pile out again and sorted through it myself and discarded all she has grown out of or the things I thought she will have no use for and neatly arranged the rest.

I thought it was worth the long face I’d have to deal with and the music I’d have to face when the time came and she descended home

And you might say “serves you right, it’s her room and it’s her right”

And I’ll say “tough” It should resemble human habitat not a pig sty.

But guess what? To my absolute amazement I didn’t hear a peep out of her last evening except to find her bedroom door closed when she left this morning. As that was unusual when she is not inside, I opened to investigate the mystery behind. There was a chair barricading the wardrobe doors with a whole pile of stuff on it.

Her silent and powerful message was like the clank of gates being locked. Though silent, it was loud and clear. I was waiting for the “how dare you go through my stuff?” “Where is the privacy in this house?” ladi  ladi la, to clean the rest of her robe next free time I had.

Now in all honesty I can’t even fathom opening the doors to tidy except to put her clean clothes in.

I am still reeling from the impact of her tacit message.

I think my daughter is smarter and mature than I give her credit for!

Sex Is All in a Day’s Work for a Sri Lankan Mother

When growing up in SL my mother didn’t sit me down and tell me “thou shalt not sleep with a man until married” I just knew it. It was sort of in the air in SL. We could whiff the drift of what is expected of us girls.

But when bringing up children of SL parental in a western society, social mores enters an entirely different realm. I was happily going about doing the things I do in life when I started hearing hitherto unheard comments from the horse’s mouth (horse being my daughter)

“So and so is having a boyfriend”

“Ok”, no drama

“So and so is moving in with her boyfriend”

“Ok” no drama. My thought was- ‘it’s not you, so not a problem’.

Suddenly I felt a nudge. More like a sharp push ‘wake up Mia, your daughter is growing up and this is not SL’. The message of ‘no sex’ is not in the atmosphere.

I started to panic. How do I approach the subject? Though she didn’t have a boyfriend, the issue was not that, it was to ascertain her thoughts on sex.

So I was blunt and straight to the point like I always am. “Tell me, do your friends sleep with their BF’s?” “I don’t mean the ones living together and I don’t mean your male friends either”

“NOO, yuk sex” was the answer.

I thought ‘Good girl. Keep thinking of sex that way’

Year or so down the track I thought the time has come to ask the question again. People and their perceptions change with the moving of times, you know. : ) She still didn’t have a BF but I wanted her to be aware jumping to bed for the sake of it, is not the way to go when she eventually has one.

I was struggling to find the right words to express my thoughts in a society where sex is such a part, a natural progression of love. Not something you wait for a signature and a document. She was one year older since our last conversation and she got embarrassed when I brought up the subject of sex.

“Mum, you are embarrassing me”

“What is so embarrassing about sex?”

“Oh my God, I don’t believe this. I am so not having this conversation with you” and walked away

“Don’t walk away when I am talking to you”

“You are unbelievable” and slammed the door

“Just so you know, sex is not a casual thing” I raised my voice to make sure she heard me through the slammed door.

The volume of her music went up.

At least that proved she heard me through the door. So much for finding the right words, sitting down and having a mature conversation. Ultimately it was just raised words blurted through a slammed door.

And next, it will be the son. Who is going to talk to him? I know his father won’t. In fact I can bet my last dime on that. I don’t think I can tell him “remember to wear a condom” It may sound like a different set of rules for the boys. But hey, that’s how it is. Isn’t it?

Luckily, his school teaches safe sex practises. Yes, it is a Catholic School and no, they don’t advocate casual or pre marital sex but they understand it happens and have moved with the times to teach the importance of protection.

This is a smartypants son with his smart remarks….. ..who once asked what alcohol tasted like and when I offered “do you want a taste?” answered back “jeez, you are asking an underage kid if he wants alcohol, what is the world coming to?”

(I offered because I appreciate the natural curiosity of us all and believe making a big deal of such things will only make it more enticing. I didn’t offer him a full glass; I asked if he would like a taste – I explained the reason for my offering to any purist who might read and come to bite me)

So with the subject of sex he could very well ask me “are you asking me to be promiscuous?”

Sometimes you can’t win as a parent.

PS: This post is a collection of conversations I have had with my children during the past couple/few years and written from memory.