The Art of Kissing ****

A woman at work, in her late twenties; climbed the ladder so fast she must have broken any previous record. She is a skilful mistress in the art of kissing **** and reaping the benefits, sans self-respect of course.

I have wondered how or why this woman gets whatever she asks for. Once I thought, “she has to be related to the boss”.

I have heard office gossip of how she is a **** licker etc but have not witnessed out of ordinary sucking-up, to get so many benefits. I have seen her run after the boss with a piece of cake etc sometimes. No big deal.  

Men are the cruellest, sharing dirty jokes at her expense.  I kept an open mind and did not pay much attention to guy talk, as they have to say something about a female and have a laugh.


This woman’s job description now has trouble fitting in one business card, without any tertiary education. She is ‘Regional something, something, something coordinator’ I will refrain from mentioning the actual title to remain anonymous. Not that she will read this but stranger things have happened.

I must say in her defence she is quite a capable woman. In addition, she has been on countless training courses/seminars/workshops through work, so she has those under her belt. 

Her job entails outreach work as well. However, she has no driver’s license. How is that for nepotism? ‘Drivers’ license’ is a pre-requisite of a job involving outreach work. That goes without saying. 


Anyway, whenever Jackie (the **** licker) has to do outreach work, a poor junior is dragged into driving the company car or she simply assign someone else in her team (also trained) to go on her behalf.

She can do as she pleases and that is that!  No accountability whatsoever.

Lack of professionalism in how J carries out her work had exasperated a manager at an outreach centre so much so, she had informed she is going to make a formal complaint against J. Most of us were stoked. However, that never eventuated. Your guess is good as mine.

One day Jackie took a sickie and the office was abuzz with jokes.

I asked one of the men at work “what’s wrong with Jackie?”

Following is the ensuing conversation:

Steve – She is having a bout of vomiting.

Me     – Has she caught a bug going around?

Steve – No. She is vomiting brown stuff

Me     – what do you mean, brown stuff?

Steve – Haven’t you seen that her tongue is all brown?

Mark Passed by and quipped, “you should have a closer look next time and see how brown her tongue is”

Me    – By now I was confused trying to figure out parallels in bouts of vomiting and the tongue being brown all the time. Kissing/licking **** is just a phrase and it never entered my mind to think of it in a literal sense.

Me    – I don’t get it. What does one thing have to do with the other?

Steve – J licks a lot of *** and now she is purging them.

My stomach churned with the visualisation of a tongue full of poo. I nearly puked.


Sometime later, one Friday arvo when most of the workers were drowsy checking the clock move ever so slowly, I was at the computer finishing off some work, when I heard voices on the other side. It was Jackie and the Boss.

B= the boss, J = Jackie

J – I did those things for you (I did not quite get what she did exactly)

B – Really? Oh thank you. (sounded surprised, which was an indication Jackie was not asked to do it)

J – I will do the others too, but it is taking time, as I have to search for them.  If I had Nick’s password I can  access the  work and do them faster (this was a blatant attempt at getting a senior manager’s password – I thought, “wow you are smooth”)  

B – Oh would you?  Thank you Jackie, you are wonderful. (Boss seem to ignore the remark about the password)

J – I know, I am bloody efficient, aren’t I?

B – What am I going to do without you?

J– I know, I am so bloody efficient.


I pretended to work. Nevertheless fascinated to learn how the kissing is done.

While neglecting her own work or bully one of the juniors to do them, Jackie earn credit by doing boss’s work when she is not even asked to do!

The conversation then took a dramatic turn with Jackie complaining that she could do more work for the boss if she was able to take the work home. However, she is unable to do that, as she does not have a laptop. By this time, I was straining to listen to the conversation and for the boss’s answer. Boss said nothing at the time.

Hey presto, few short weeks later Jackie was hyperventilating phoning the receptionist downstairs, inquiring,   “I am expecting my laptop today, did you receive any packages?”

Looks like the computer illiterate boss did not know that a thumb drive would have done the job and cheaply.


4 comments so far

  1. Azrael on

    Some people are geniuses at this… And to top it off, a lot of managers are clueless that they being licked ( or at least pretend to be)

    This gal seems to be on the very top of the game. Better watch out or the next thing you’ll hear is that she’s running the whole company 😀

  2. mia on

    It must be in her agenda. She will eventually try to stick it to the boss too.

  3. Angel Eyes on

    ha ha…….. man that girl needs a life. U get soo many people like that out in the world and they sure make my tummy turn

  4. anon on

    boss must be getting a lay. he will ditch her when he finds someone better

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