Breaking Sleep-On Motherly Duty

It is late and here I am using the computer as a stay-awake –aid…. anything else is bound to make me dozy. Daughter has gone to a friends’ twenty first party and I am breaking sleep for ‘transport back home’ call.    

The birthday girl has booked a bus for twenty of her friends and the celebrations will take them through three towns, stopping at each for a game of scavenger hunt (if you don’t know what it is, don’t ask me, I don’t know either) and stopping for dinner at the town nestled in the middle then proceed to the next before looping back.

Son peeked over my shoulder, chuckled to himself, “are you blogging about akki?” and walked away.  Came back short time later, checked the contents, chuckled and left.                                                   

 “Go to bed, it’s late”

I am getting tired. Constantly checking the time doesn’t make it move any faster since the last time I checked  was five minutes ago.  I expect the call around midnight as the group of merrymakers, bar my daughter, are going clubbing till wee hours of the morning and they have to be back in town before 12.30am to beat the club curfew….. A new regulation introduced to stop club hopping and reduce drunken behaviour or brawls on the streets.  Clubs close doors for new arrivals after that time…   either you are in or you are out. No entering or hopping after 12.30am.    

Well, I got the pick-me-up-now call and had to stop typing and dash.  

I was not happy of the sight that confronted me upon reaching the pick-up spot……Bouncer was at the club door checking ID’s of the queue waiting to get inside -and my daughter standing away from the crowd, looking deserted. My first reaction was ‘where is her group?’

Apparently they hopped off the bus and piled inside leaving my daughter standing outside by herself. At that time of night! Sure the area was well lit with a high voltage bulb…. but that is beside the point. Every rule-book says ‘stick together when out on the town for safety reasons. You don’t abandon each other.

This is what happens when she socialise with people who are much older than her. Her school friends would never have done that. Besides that she is comfortable enough to have asked them to stay with her until I came. But she is reluctant to ask same, from this group of people for fear of sounding young. 

Though I hate to be a party-pooper, I had to say what I had to say while driving back home. If she plan on going out with older people, better summon her confidence and ask that they stay with her until she is picked up or she shouldn’t be out with those who have the potential to jeopardise her safety. My dissatisfaction of the groups’ inconsiderate behaviour was palpable to say the least. (If I was adequately dressed, I would’ve walked into the club and told them off…. Just as well……Sometimes it’s best to hold your piece (not peace =)) when you are hopping mad, than say something you might regret later) 

At least the daughter knows I was not happy and I hope she will be more assertive in the future.

What if, I wasn’t at the computer but decided to read a book instead and fell asleep and she had to call several times? 

What if, it was past the curfew (by that time) and club doors closed and the bouncer gone inside as well?   

Not happy Jan!

Legally she may be an adult, but at eighteen she is still a child!

This job of being a mother is not easy.

My mother had is very easy comparatively. I grew up in safer times.


9 comments so far

  1. Indyana on

    It would have been common courtesy to wait with your daughter( atleast one or two of them) till you arrived. I find that such courtesy is fast getting eroded from our system…I mean what would 15 minutes or more take away from their clubbing!This was scary to even think of. I hope your daughter realizes that what her friends did, was just not done,and that there is nothing foolish about asking for someone to be around the next time!

  2. Angel Eyes on

    Hmmm… i too agree that someone should have stayed with her even without her asking. But i guess as Indyana said such things are all fading off and sometimes don’t even exist on the radars of the so called “COOL” circles. I hope that she understands the gravity of the situation rather than brush it off thinking that you are an over protective mother. Thumbs up! You are doing a great job as a mother. Keep it up ! 😛

  3. R on

    Maybe there was more to it than meets the eye. Don’t mean to be paranoid, but did you ask whether every thing was alright with her and her ‘friends’?

  4. mia, on

    Indyana and Angel Eyes
    Unbelievable isn’t it?
    When I think of the times she has made me wait (when I go to pick her up from somewhere) because a friend is left by herelf if we leave…………I am thinking, where is her consideration for her? I am happy she is understanding and considerate with others BUT she has to learn that it is the same, other way round as well……she too doesn’t wait alone.
    Angel, yes she now understand it was not a smart thing to do. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

    My daughter thinks she is all grownup but she is v immature in many ways

    Umm….I don’t know what you mean, but yes everything is fine….well….she didn’t know all of the people on the bus but she knew quite a few. It’s nothing but plain thoughtlessness on others’ part or maybe the amount of alcohol consumed along the way soaked up any commonsense or consideration. My daughter said “we all crossed the road together and they went and lined up”
    I asked “even when they knew you are not going in?”
    She said “yep”
    It is just plain selfishness.

    You just have to put it down as a lesson learnt.

  5. Dhammika on

    You seem to be a quite decent mother who truly cares for her
    daughter. Colombo has unfortunately become a bit of a den of thieves and thugs. Especially at night. When my friend’s son was down in Colombo from Cambridge on holiday I outright advised him that it is best that unless they are present, he is not allowed out. The son of course was completely disgusted and angry with me. I speak from an experience of partying in Colombo for the past twenty years (I am not proud of this however), but even I felt quite nervous and uncomfortable being out and about at night on my last visit to Colombo.

    So unfortunately unless you know your daughter’s going out with her best friends and possibly to a party in someone’s house, it is best that her family accompanies her.

    Yes, I know it means restricting her freedom, but better safe than sorry.

    Anything could have happened to her while she stood out there. And I am not saying that an inside of a nightclub is any safer.

  6. pissu perera on

    the chivalrous males always hang around and make sure the girls are on their way in my circle of friends.. at 3 o clock in the morning, chivalry is always welcome.. glad your daughter got home safe.

  7. Angel Eyes on

    Dhammika, i dont think Mia lives in SL. I have a feeling that she is a Sri Lankan living abroad from what i have gathered from the her posts that i have read. But i might be wrong… 🙂

    Anyway, whether it be in SL or anywhere else in the world i dont think its safe for a youngster to be out alone now-a-days. Especially a girl…

  8. Lady divine on

    At my age, my mum still does this too….well I can understand the fear…
    In fact, I’ve some friends who complain and feel bad coz their parents dont keep a tab on them….

    But mothers – being one may be tough…(I dont know – obviously)…but you guys are just great!!!! 🙂

    Sometimes it can be very annoying…but it ahows how much you care…and the fact that it just isn’t safe for a girl…it’s terrifying….

    Besides – you won’t be doing this for the rest of your life either…

    Keep rocking..

  9. mia on

    Thanks all.

    Dammika, I understand your concerns. Being out and about at night in SL is no longer safe.

    Your feelings are correct Angel : ) And you are right, safety is not pertaining to just one country.

    Pissu, her school friends would have done the same as your friends.

    LD, thanks for the vote of confidence but this is the first time I felt motherhood is difficult, honest to goodness. A hug to you : )

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