Entering a New Phase?

Why do teenagers (specifically, girls) who are immersed in their little cocoon to the point of oblivious to the rest of the world……annoyed with many things…… grunts when spoken to….do a massive 180? Daughter of mine is unbelievably chatty now; I don’t know how to take it. Shock! Horror! I was so used to her sulking or grunting. Our synchrony of– me talking and her sulking OR me talking and her grunting– was in perfect harmony.

And now a whole new phase to get accustomed to…..

After I pick her up in the arvo she start to spurt out the day’s events and by the time we reach home the whole day’s events are done….. This same drive was done in total silence in the past apart from her music blaring in my ear. At first I did not make anything of it except felt happy that she is opening up to me about her life. This chatting has gone for more than two months now and I am beginning to wonder.

So I went through the motherly motions of analysis ‘what could it be?’ Actually it is one motion. We mothers are one track minded with daughters at a certain age. Boys! Maybe more tracks for some mothers – boys, sex and drugs – I’d like to think I brought my children up to believe life and sanity is more precious than drugs.

And sex …well….I have had a conversation or two with her about that subject….so I think we are on the same page on that. umm….come to think of it….should I write a post about our conversations on sex? That will be pure shock value on a SL site, don’t you think? : ) Let me mull on that one.

…..So that leaves ‘boys’. I did the only thing I could do. Follow my one track mind.

I took full advantage of her chatting one afternoon and…………..

“So tell me, any new guys in your circle…. apart from the ones I already know?” I named the ones I already knew to speed up the process. Yes, I was impatient “Apart from Jonathan, Andrew, x, y, z… anyone else in your circle that I haven’t met?”

“umm… there is K”

(Eyes popped…but quickly composed) “How come you never talk about him?”

“He is in another section”

“What sort of a guy is he?” (oh yeah, I have mastered the art of probing while sounding just casually interested) : )

“He’s all right”

“What does he look like, is he good looking?”

“er….. He’s all right”

“Is he a good guy?”

“er…He’s all right”

Argh……….

Why can’t she explain clearly what is going on in her life as she did in Primary School?

“Mum, H asked if I wanted to go out with him….and I said yes” (that was in upper primary)

Drops everything, stands erect, “what do you mean you are going out with Heath? Where do you go? What do you do?”

“Oh no, we are not going anywhere and we are not doing anything, it is all in the mind” “We are going out in our minds” (oh how I still remember her beautiful innocent face and big eyes looking at me while saying “oh no, we are not going anywhere, it’s all in our minds”… ……sweetie pie)

“A is going out with P; N is going out with whatsitsname”

Slumps back, “ah all right then. H is a lovely boy”.

Yes, that is what I want……………factual blabbering.

You know, on the other hand, she could be (how I’d love to think) morphing in to a polite young lady capable of conversation and leaving the years of grunting behind. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

After she finishes chattering she even inquires “So, how was your day mum?” AND actually listens!

Wonders never cease in the teen land!

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22 comments so far

  1. pissu perera on

    my mum and i had those “you talk i grunt” convos too. all the time until last year 🙂 now there is more talking on my part though i doubt i’ll ever get to the point of “so how was your day, mum?”. that’s more my brother than me.

    also, my mum hardly knows what’s going in my life 😀 she’ knows enough to keep her thinking she knows everything, but that’s not nearly all;) i hope i didn’t alarm you

  2. T on

    LOL. yeah, we had a lot of talk-grunt convos too. my mom is a huge gossip and im super private so you can imagine. i never liked keeping major things from her though, so i would drop just enough hints to make her think she figured it out on her own. after all, why shouldn’t she feel accomplished? 🙂

  3. Darwin on

    I used to be fairly open with my mom about most things when I was a teen. When I fancied a boy and finally got the nerve to tell her she’d stump me with a ‘err yeah I already knew that!’.

  4. Jerry on

    A post about the talk? And if she finds out, she’ll get herself emancipated! 😉 An interesting topic for a post though… And yes, your daughter’s probably just growing up. Though if she’s anything like me, there’ll be occational hellish days 🙂 . Also, i see you’re taking a more liberal stance on naming people….

  5. kulendra on

    ‘..Drops everything, stands erect, “what do you mean you are going out with Heath? Where do you go? What do you do?”

    “Oh no, we are not going anywhere and we are not doing anything, it is all in the mind” “We are going out in our minds” ..’

    – sweet 🙂

  6. indyana on

    Good luck…hope the new phase goes well….try and enjoy it!

  7. diordna on

    Since I was an accident and the last one,(4 years to the nearest brother) I was very very close to my mother (and father). We became very close friends rather than mother and child. She is the best person I ever knew. Hope you too get closer, more!

  8. Dili on

    Hmmmm… interesting….

    Around here, mom says a whole lot (I keep tellin her shes not a teacher anymore, but…) and I just smile and listen. I guess Im her “person-to-unload-on”. Its a real art you know, pretending to listen when you’re really filtering out everything thats going to be irrelevant in the next 5 secs. 😀

  9. Nishadha on

    Maybe the how was your day mom part was just to smooth things up a bit after the birthday present incident,Btw nice polite young ladies are extinct.

  10. John on

    I see that being a parent is not as easy as it looks. Talk too much and you get your parent suspicious and talk too little and you get the same issue! I was just wondering, what would your daughter have to do to put you at ease?

  11. mia on

    PP
    You sound so cheeky : ) Sometimes your mum might surprise you by how much she knows, you know.

    T,
    Hope after she feels accomplished with your hints, she is happy with what you have done 🙂

    Darwin,
    Yeah mothers are intuitive. My daughter used to tell me everything I just hope we go back to that, you know.

    Jerry,
    Ok a sex post is coming up just for you 😛 You put fear in me again so I am going to change a few names.

    Kulendra,
    Isn’t it? When I heard “we are going out in our minds” I thought “oh how innocent and sweet”

    Indyana,
    Thanks. I hope so too.

    Diordna,
    Aww….that is so nice. Yes I hope we too get close and she feels she can tell me anything.

    Dili,
    He he so that is how it is done, by filtering…..

    Nishadha,
    Hmm…. She has done that now for couple of months, so before she gave back the present. “Btw nice polite young ladies are extinct.” Are they? There are some if you look carefully. I get compliments on how polite my children are when we visit SL. Of course they are not that polite at home all the time, though I tell them everything begins at home.

    John,
    Tell me everything in detail that sure will help. 🙂 She used to do that until may be year 8 or so then she got to this group of friends she started to confide in and didn’t have any use for me 😦

  12. John on

    But that’s a normal thing! She confides in her friends coz they do the same thing that she does. Somethings are just too hard to tell parents. But the parent rarely sees it from that point of view. I would do it because I know that I would not be judged harshly for what I did because my peers would be doing the same thing, if not worse. Teenage tribalism in action :D. Also, children come around. Eventually.

  13. ~ lo$t $oul ~ on

    atleast u daughter talks to u 🙂 hope she’d be open abt boys, sex n drugs in future too 😉 heheh

  14. Nishadha on

    yeah , have to agree , there are some nice ones around , I guess not being polite to you is understandable , the more we get to know someone we tend to be less polite to them , so if you look at it in a positive way being not polite means you know and trust them.

  15. mia on

    John,
    I am open to her. She knows she can tell me anything she wants. I will only hit the roof once 🙂
    I have told her if I hit the roof it is because I love her and to bring me back down and I’ll be calm. I promise 🙂

    LS,
    I guess I have to be thankful for that eh?

    Nishadha,
    Actually I think differently now. You’ve first got to be polite to your family than anyone else. I have told her the importance of keeping a level of politeness in the marriage when she eventually gets married ….in conversations with her husband you know. To use words like ‘please’ ‘thank you’ that goes a long way to keep a relationship civil.

  16. Nishadha on

    Hmm ,I didn’t mean you don’t have to be polite , but you tend to forget simple things like thank you and sorry when you get close to a person , your daughter must be lucky to have a mom like you ( or maybe its the son-in-law thats lucky 😛 )

  17. Lady Divine on

    hmm.. but that’s really cool.. I used to be open with my dad… coz my mum for one doesn’t understand the way i expect her to.. and she’s really not the one to give advice.. sigh.. what to do.. so i hardly ever say anything much and she complains about it ALL the time.. but it’s wiser for me to not say anything and get into shit..than to say anything at all..
    so i prefer being scolded all the time…

    have fun with the chat sessions.. if it comes to ‘reading inbetween the lines’ we’ll always be her..;)

  18. Lady Divine on

    err.. i meant to say “be here” at the end..:)

  19. mia on

    Thanks LD but I feel for you. Hope you have another adult, an aunt, a friend’s mother or someone like that in your life to talk to when you want advice. If not, to offer the same to you in return, I’ll be here 🙂

  20. Dili on

    On an unrelated topic: This is for you, Mia

    😀

    Cheers.

  21. mia on

    Thanks for that Dili. What did I do to deserve that? 🙂
    I didn’t try it still though. I am still wondering if there is such a thing called a free lunch in this world without a catch of some sort you know?

  22. Dili on

    Well i dunno anything about a free lunch cos im sure you dont want to test my non-existent culinary skills. But there aren’t any strings attached: literally, metaphorically or digitally. 😀

    Anyhoo, just like a smile its well meant and free. And like I told Godaya, Sandi Thom said it best: “Smile…It confuses people”

    Cheers.


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